Gonna heal in silence
№97 — On the Phone (demo)
organizing an accident is a weekly newsletter where I leak home demos of unreleased songs, first draft lyrics, thoughts on the creative process, & dispatches from music life in Paris.
Listen to “On the Phone” (demo):
This song was written on April 1, 2021
This is demo leak #97
Greetings from Paris,
It has now been one week since we learned the results of the 2024 presidential election. Like many, I am recovering from a substantially bloated media diet. It’s how I imagine Trump’s campaign team felt nightly aboard their plane—indulging in a spread of McDonald’s while gearing up for their next victory lap.
But greater than the brain fog plaguing me after a week of scrolling X is a surprising sense of optimism. Yes, optimism. While this stance could easily be struck down as dangerously naive, it’s the choice I’m making as we enter our ninth year of Trumpism, internet-as-culture downstream politics, and a genuine rightward shift across the U.S. map.
I’ve arrived at this position not due to a lack of analysis about the dangers of the forthcoming administration, but because of an overabundance of it. I know there will be no shortage of alarmist reporting to engage with in the coming months and years—and, at my weakest, I will be first in line to lap it up. But all despondency aside, I acknowledge the majority opinion of Americans: the brand of politics offered by the Democratic Party was not a strong enough counter-narrative to the much more effective voices of right-wing populism. That much is clear.
There is no shortage of analysis circulating about this historic comeback, so I won’t add to the noise—only to say that I am rooting for my country. After nearly a decade of fearmongering and paranoia, the people have spoken. My only hope is that those of us who believe Trump is not the solution to the challenges facing America will be proven wrong. Do we prefer to be proven right? That our worst predictions come true? That he becomes another “Hitler”? I sincerely hope not.
My expectations are somewhere below sea level, but we’ll need to watch as the cabinet takes shape to get a clearer sense of how effective they might be in Washington compared to the chaotic and wildly unsuccessful first term. Perhaps that camp has failed to learn from past mistakes and will spend the next four years tripping over themselves, once again failing to achieve their grand autocratic aims.
One thing is clear: until progressives in America offer a better response to the problems facing average citizens, far-right populism will continue to fill that gap in the market. Until progressives start making their cities and states more livable and shift focus back to the working class, far-right populism will appear to be a viable alternative. Until progressives stop obsessing over identity and condescendingly speaking to and for minority groups, far-right populism will grow in popularity (even among minorities!).
In addition to today’s demo leak no. 97, here is a song I released in 2019 called “Cruel Times” when I was feeling just a bit more hopeless. Still resonates :/
“On the Phone” lyrics
I could stay with you on the phone
But really need somebody to hold
‘Cause maybe I’m not ready to go
On my own
You could be my right hand
Man, if you could only see
Gonna heal in silence then
Command you back to me
‘Cause I see you
In a new light
Doing right by me
Yeah I need you
Through the good times
And the bad to set me free
I could stay with you on the phone
But really need somebody to hold
‘Cause maybe I’m not ready to go
On my own
I won’t let you hurt anymore
Even when it’s me on the floor
‘Cause maybe I’m not ready to go
On my own
If you need a lover
I’m still standing at the bar
If you need a brother
Let’s just end before we start
Well I see you
In a new light
Why can’t you see me
I need you
Through the good times
And the bad to set me free
I could stay with you on the phone
But really need somebody to hold
‘Cause maybe I’m not ready to go
On my own
I won’t let you hurt anymore
Even when it’s me on the floor
‘Cause maybe I’m not ready to go
On my own
I could die like this
Come inside, weightless
I could stay with you on the phone
But really need somebody to hold
‘Cause maybe I’m not ready to go
On my own
I won’t let you hurt anymore
Even when it’s me on the floor
‘Cause maybe I’m not ready to go
On my own
These lyrics were written in April 2021.
What I’m listening to this week
What I’ve been reading
David Mamet - True and False
Check out my previous demos and writing via the Substack archive + discover my official music releases on Spotify, Apple, or your platform of choice. Find me on all socials at @thisryanegan.
Read the previous post.
you are correct sir!!!!! thanks for sharing
indeed, sir. thank you & beautifully put.