organizing an accident is a weekly newsletter where I leak home demos of unreleased songs, first draft lyrics, thoughts on the creative process, & dispatches from music life in Paris.
Listen to “Don't Leave Me Yet” (demo):
This song was written on September 9, 2021
This is demo leak #86
This week, my wife Janis and I celebrated eleven years together.
When I first met her, she was nineteen years old and studying film in New York. I was twenty-four, an elder statesman zealously pursuing Life in a Band.
At the time, I was nearing the end of my rope as a hopeless romantic turned lonesome Casanova. Upon meeting Janis, with her bunny-toothed smile, crinkled nose, and what was probably the first French accent I had ever encountered, I quickly lost all my faculties and fell belligerently in love.
Falling in love, really falling, had two immediate effects on me. The first was a fear of abandonment and indiscriminate jealousy, both of which I never allowed her to see, opting instead to exorcise my demons as quickly and quietly as possible. The second was a surge of creative energy and clarity—you might call it the muse effect—which helped transform me from a frustrated songwriter into one of purpose and consistency.
In my experience, love is a shock to the system rivaled only by grief.
Over the past eleven years, our partnership has been road-tested across five continents and dozens of countries. We have collaborated on films and music videos and photo shoots, lived between New York and Paris, made a fucking baby, and most importantly, have challenged each other to reflect on and defend our most deep-seated impulses and beliefs.
On Monday, the day of our anniversary, we went strolling with our family along the shores of Brittany, in the westernmost region of France. In the distance, strips of land reached out into frantic waters, land illuminated in pale-green light, dulled further by a golden sea mist. The precise region is called Finistère, named after the Latin phrase Finis Terrae, which appropriately translates to “the end of the earth,” and where I find myself content to be with Janis and Otto as another summer turns to fall. ◍
This song was written in September 2021 with Will Lowry, a friend and brilliant musician, when he stuck around Paris for a few weeks after our wedding. Check out his project under the pseudonym pantology.
“Don't Leave Me Yet” lyrics
It’s been haunting me for so long
That I don’t know right from wrong
We keep stalling the further we’re gone
It’s time we should move along
So baby, for once in my life
I’ll get myself out the way
We’re so close and I don’t wanna die
Before we live out our love
Don’t leave me yet
Don’t leave me yet
Don’t leave me yet
Before we begin
In this room where we first made love
Let’s try to rebuild what’s undone
You keep saying I’ll be the one
So come darling let’s just run
So baby, for once in my life
This doubt could show me the way
Don’t leave me yet
Don’t leave me yet
Don’t leave me yet
Before we begin
Music written by Ryan Egan & Will Lowry
These lyrics were written in September 2021.
From the vault
What I’m listening to this week
What I’ve been reading
Marilynne Robinson - Housekeeping
Check out my previous demos and writing via the Substack archive + discover my official music releases on Spotify, Apple, or your platform of choice. Find me on all socials at @thisryanegan.
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